Everyday is a new battle. Some are easier fought than others. The toughest sort of battle is when near ones don't get you.
Relationships are hard. Already burdened with the weight of expectations and emotions, as soon as you add one more thing, they are ready to crack and even break. And there is very little place for us emotional fools on this planet.
I believe that the hardest part lies in finding someone who connects with you on the most basic levels. Much like a puzzle, you must fit. The rest then doesnt seem too hard. Ofcourse dont start believing in a thing called love. It was only a term created to denote the mental disease that some of us catch or think we have. Its neither real nor everlasting. It is delusional. It is much like a drug -- gives you extreme highs and lows. And hence people like it. Like alcohol, like any other drug-- it is addictive.
A much better relation is friendship. Where people accept you for who you are. There are no strings attached. You dont have to promise a friend anything or continue to dole out fixed amounts of affection and gifts to continue being friends. You either get each other and hence like to meet up, hang out and have fun. Or you dont get each other and have no reason to be stuck with each other.
A marriage could turn out a lot better if the couple decides to be friends with each other, acknowledging that there will be times they will not see eye to eye but will give each other their own space and let each other do their own thing. No pressure. You could call this arrangement anything, even love, if that pleases you. But... beware .. as soon as you think you are treading down the path of love... you are going to go down the slippery slope of expecting and never know when you've lapsed into another broken heart.
Thus... "I long for friends, and I am weary of lovers..."
Love -- a beautiful description cannot but conceal the real truth -- love is but a figment of our imagination.
Describe to me what is this love? Whatever the answer you chose, can you find one pair that fulfilled the definition to the tee? Well, in my quest for love, I havent. And the claim that I havent looked far enough or long enough would be incorrect. I was a follower, more so a preacher of love to those around me. Love was a beautiful feeling. But one day you wake up from this dream. And realise that life is just a journey of self-realization, one in which all you must hope to pursue is 'NOTHING'. For however small or big your expectation from your lover or partner, remember, as humans they will falter and so will you. This will hurt. Once again, there is a way out of this eternal cycle of ecstasy and sorrow.
"Falling in love with yourself is the beginning of a life-long romance."
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Self Dependence
“There is no dependence that can be sure but a dependence upon one's self."
Others cannot disappoint you if all you depend on is yourself. Dependence is a dangerous thing, it is decepting. It creates a false sense of security, one that must ultimately be shattered. On the other hand, independence, like hope, is liberating. It teaches you to depend on yourself, and when you fall short of fulfilling your expectation, you will sit back & ponder on what you could do differently in the future. We humans are understanding of our own virtues, strengths, and shortcomings far more so than we are of others. Thus, we will forgive ourself. We will motivate ourself, and start walking one more time when we feel we haven't reached the goal we set out to. However, when others don't meet the goals we have set out for them in our minds, then we are disappointed. An easy remedy is to be self-dependent.
This does not mean that we are capable of doing everything ourselves and don't need human company around us. It just means that we only need ourselves for pursuing our most intimate and prized dreams and goals. We must not include others in this game plan. Everyone has been put on this planet to pursue their own game plan. Including someone on your team may lead to them de-priortizing you, naturally and understandably. So its best to follow your own path, your own journey. Should you meet someone on that walk, you should enjoy the companionship. But never expect the companion to outlast the journey, for we began the journey alone, and we should end it alone.
Once you set out to, its not so difficult to think of everyone around you as fleeting. Be grateful should they help you pursue your goal. Feel nothing when they don't, especially not disappointment, not anger, not resentment.
"Expectation is the root cause of all sorrow." When you learn to expect everything from yourself and nothing from anyone else, it will be that much easier to pursue your journey and the reason you are here.
The biggest gift you can give youself, the most significant lesson you can teach yourself.
Others cannot disappoint you if all you depend on is yourself. Dependence is a dangerous thing, it is decepting. It creates a false sense of security, one that must ultimately be shattered. On the other hand, independence, like hope, is liberating. It teaches you to depend on yourself, and when you fall short of fulfilling your expectation, you will sit back & ponder on what you could do differently in the future. We humans are understanding of our own virtues, strengths, and shortcomings far more so than we are of others. Thus, we will forgive ourself. We will motivate ourself, and start walking one more time when we feel we haven't reached the goal we set out to. However, when others don't meet the goals we have set out for them in our minds, then we are disappointed. An easy remedy is to be self-dependent.
This does not mean that we are capable of doing everything ourselves and don't need human company around us. It just means that we only need ourselves for pursuing our most intimate and prized dreams and goals. We must not include others in this game plan. Everyone has been put on this planet to pursue their own game plan. Including someone on your team may lead to them de-priortizing you, naturally and understandably. So its best to follow your own path, your own journey. Should you meet someone on that walk, you should enjoy the companionship. But never expect the companion to outlast the journey, for we began the journey alone, and we should end it alone.
Once you set out to, its not so difficult to think of everyone around you as fleeting. Be grateful should they help you pursue your goal. Feel nothing when they don't, especially not disappointment, not anger, not resentment.
"Expectation is the root cause of all sorrow." When you learn to expect everything from yourself and nothing from anyone else, it will be that much easier to pursue your journey and the reason you are here.
The biggest gift you can give youself, the most significant lesson you can teach yourself.
Thursday, December 03, 2009
Why...
So life has a lot of whys... nothing new there.
I was just listening to a song about a lover going through hell because he hasn't seen his loved one since an entire day, is missing her...you get the background :D
So, what is about our brains and our hearts that we tend to take things, people, situations, blessings, favors etc for granted as soon as we get accustomed to them. On a similar logic, why does familiarity have to breed contempt or boredom? Why doesn't it breed comfort, understanding and a deeper bond?
Why do we only long for that which we dont have at present. As soon as we achieve it and the chase is over, why is it suddenly not on our TO DO list anymore?
Why does novelty wear off? While this is relevant to everything from a new phone to a new laptop to every new gadget you obtain, it is much more poignant in terms of relationships-- because of one prime distinction. We breathe, we feel, we live... unlike the gadgets we use to run our lives.
A few people would argue that this isn't true. You don't cease longing for the other person just as much, it is only that having achieved that goal, you move on to other better and bigger things, hopefully together. That may be true, but I cant buy the argument completely because it illustrates a couple of important and interesting human tendencies.
Firstly, the well known chase! The human race has convinced itself that the chase is the most important part of any journey. The exhilarating feeling of reaching the mountaintop is short lived, but the competitive and exciting journey to the top is full of anticipation of the unknown.
Secondly, it depicts our attention span, which has begun to resemble that of a bee. While I don't exactly know how long is a bee's attention span, I am certain that our own is reducing at a fast pace. We multitask! We chat and talk on the phone simultaneously. We text in class. We browse a million things simultaneously. We don't sit down and read a book for hours without stopping to check our email a few times in between. Vow-- it even sounds exhausting. And multitasking is definitely considered a virtue. But what about the effect it is having on the human ability to concentrate on one thing for long enough to understand it in depth and completely?
Call me crazy, but I wont chat with you if I am browsing/ reading. I wont answer your phone if I am chatting with a friend. To me multitasking means something else. It doesn't mean 'not living in the moment'.
Anyway, this article is moving away from relationships and closer to our work-styles. So getting back to the original topic: Why this sudden increase in ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) in the human race?
Why do we need to move on to the next peak as soon as we have accomplished the first feat? How about staying there a while and cherishing the accomplishment, the sweet feeling of hard work being rewarded with success.
And, when will we realize that although everyday is not a Sunday, every 8th day is! Just like we need a break once every week, we need a repetitive cycle of the expression of love. :))
So, if you haven't done this lately -- call your loved one and tell them just how much you long to be with them. And if they are right next to you, tell them how much you cherish them. Or don't do anything, and move on. You do have a choice.
This all began with a recent discussion with my roommate about "instant gratification"-- more on that coming up sooner or later.
Aakriti
I was just listening to a song about a lover going through hell because he hasn't seen his loved one since an entire day, is missing her...you get the background :D
So, what is about our brains and our hearts that we tend to take things, people, situations, blessings, favors etc for granted as soon as we get accustomed to them. On a similar logic, why does familiarity have to breed contempt or boredom? Why doesn't it breed comfort, understanding and a deeper bond?
Why do we only long for that which we dont have at present. As soon as we achieve it and the chase is over, why is it suddenly not on our TO DO list anymore?
Why does novelty wear off? While this is relevant to everything from a new phone to a new laptop to every new gadget you obtain, it is much more poignant in terms of relationships-- because of one prime distinction. We breathe, we feel, we live... unlike the gadgets we use to run our lives.
A few people would argue that this isn't true. You don't cease longing for the other person just as much, it is only that having achieved that goal, you move on to other better and bigger things, hopefully together. That may be true, but I cant buy the argument completely because it illustrates a couple of important and interesting human tendencies.
Firstly, the well known chase! The human race has convinced itself that the chase is the most important part of any journey. The exhilarating feeling of reaching the mountaintop is short lived, but the competitive and exciting journey to the top is full of anticipation of the unknown.
Secondly, it depicts our attention span, which has begun to resemble that of a bee. While I don't exactly know how long is a bee's attention span, I am certain that our own is reducing at a fast pace. We multitask! We chat and talk on the phone simultaneously. We text in class. We browse a million things simultaneously. We don't sit down and read a book for hours without stopping to check our email a few times in between. Vow-- it even sounds exhausting. And multitasking is definitely considered a virtue. But what about the effect it is having on the human ability to concentrate on one thing for long enough to understand it in depth and completely?
Call me crazy, but I wont chat with you if I am browsing/ reading. I wont answer your phone if I am chatting with a friend. To me multitasking means something else. It doesn't mean 'not living in the moment'.
Anyway, this article is moving away from relationships and closer to our work-styles. So getting back to the original topic: Why this sudden increase in ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) in the human race?
Why do we need to move on to the next peak as soon as we have accomplished the first feat? How about staying there a while and cherishing the accomplishment, the sweet feeling of hard work being rewarded with success.
And, when will we realize that although everyday is not a Sunday, every 8th day is! Just like we need a break once every week, we need a repetitive cycle of the expression of love. :))
So, if you haven't done this lately -- call your loved one and tell them just how much you long to be with them. And if they are right next to you, tell them how much you cherish them. Or don't do anything, and move on. You do have a choice.
This all began with a recent discussion with my roommate about "instant gratification"-- more on that coming up sooner or later.
Aakriti
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)